Heart and soul at war
by jellyflame
Summary: Regina's soul may be destined for Robin but her heart has other ideas. Swan Queen one shot


Emma glanced around warily but seeing no sign of unwashed leather she took her chance and darted towards the buffet table. Hastily she grabbed a handful of crisps and swept a few sandwiches onto her plate before retreating quickly to her hiding place in the corner of the diner. From here she could eat undisturbed and avoid the stream of congratulations that had engulfed her as soon as she had entered the diner. She could also keep a look out for Hook and make a hasty retreat should he approach.

Hook had played a crucial part in defeating Zelena previously that day but while she was undoubtedly grateful to him for his assistance she did not share his belief that his reward should come in the form of a declaration of love from herself. For what felt like the billionth time she cursed herself again for ever kissing him in Neverland but at the time her emotions had been all over the place, scared as she was that she would never find Henry. And then her father had almost died, a father she was still getting to know, and Hook had saved him. She had been so relieved and grateful that she had kissed him without truly thinking about her actions and now she was paying the price for her folly.

She bit into a sandwich savagely and then sighed in disgust returning it to her plate. Cucumber. Who on earth had ever though that cucumber sandwiches were a good idea? But her brooding was interrupted when Regina swept past her and headed towards the door. Emma watched her leave in confusion. Where was she going? Why was she leaving? Shouldn't she be celebrating with Henry and Robin? A familiar surge of jealousy swept through Emma as she thought of the thief but she ignored it determinedly.

Emma glanced around but nobody else seemed to have noticed Regina's departure. Mary Margret and David were cooing over her new sister, Belle and Gold were deep in talk and oblivious to the world around them while Robin appeared to be teaching Henry and Roland how to play darts. Making sure nobody saw her leave Emma snuck out from her corner and slipped out of the diner. Glancing up and down the street she saw Regina round the corner and followed after her.

Emma kept a few feet behind Regina, still not sure whether or not to call out to her. After a few minutes it became clear where they were headed; Storybrooke Harbour. Emma watched as Regina sat on a familiar bench and huddled herself against the cold for she seemed to have forgotten her coat in her hurry to leave. Emma was still debating whether or not to draw nearer when Regina called out to her, keeping her gaze fixed on the rolling sea.

'I know you're there Emma.' Sheepishly Emma drew nearer and sat down next to Regina.

'Sorry, I saw you leave but I wasn't sure if you'd want company or not.'

'I don't'. Emma began to rise but Regina added 'however now that you're here you may as well stay.'

Emma sat back down. Desperately she cast around for something to say that would cheer Regina up but could think of nothing. She had always been terrible in situations that called for tact and giving positive advice. But in the end it was Regina who broke the silence.

'So you weren't' enjoying the party either?'

'Not really. Hook's been on my case ever since Zelena died. He seems to think that now the curse has been lifted from his lips I should be kissing him. He also thinks I owe it to him because he helped defeat her. He's using the typical 'nice guy' card, it's so infuriating. I mean if I kissed everyone who helped defeat her I'd be kissing half of Storybrooke!' Including Regina her subconscious added unhelpfully.

'But I thought you liked the pirate and I was under the impression that you did kiss him Neverland' Regina didn't meet Emma's eyes as she said that but her face was stony as she continued to glare out at the sea.

'Yeah I did but it didn't mean anything'

'You often kiss people who don't mean anything to you do you?'

'Actually yeah' at this Regina turned to her in surprise.

'What do you mean?'

Emma sighed and pushed her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket. This time as she answered it was her avoiding Regina's searching gaze.

'The physical stuff has never been hard for me, sex has always made me feel wanted, better. I didn't used to care who it was with I just liked loosing myself with a stranger for a few hours. It's when I care about someone that it's hard. I gave myself to Neal and he broke my heart, after that I promised that I'd never let anyone in who could one day hurt me.'

'Emma I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring up bad memories. It's just the way your mother talks I thought you truly did like him but that you were hiding it.' Emma looked up and saw the genuine regret in Regina's whiskey brown eyes.

'It's okay. It's kind of nice to get it off my chest actually. I used to be able to talk about these thing with Mary Margret but now that's she's my Mum it's sort more difficult. Anyway how about you? Why did you leave? I though you and Robin were happy?' Emma couldn't keep the small bight of scorn from entering her voice at the mention of Robin's name but Regina didn't seem to have noticed for her whole body had frozen again. Her posture was once more frigid and uninviting and she returned her gaze to the sea. 'Did he do something? Did he hurt you?' Emma's voice rose with concern when she saw Regina's reaction to Robin's name. She had seen this reaction before in women who had been hurt by their loved ones.

'No, no it's nothing like that. In fact he's been perfect. He's my soul mate.'

'Yeah I know, I heard Tink telling Ruby the story earlier.' What Emma didn't add was that hearing the news had felt like a kick in the stomach or that it had finally dawned on Emma how much Regina meant to her. 'So what is it?'

This time when Regina turned to her there was a desperation in her eyes and her stony mask began to crack. 'I don't love him! I don't love him Emma and I don't understand why! Last week when I didn't have my heart I felt drawn to him, I felt comfortable with him. I finally thought I could get my happy ending. But as soon as I got my heart back I realised that although my soul may be destined for his my heart belongs to somebody else.'

Emma leaned in without thinking and took Regina in her arms, trying to lend some comfort to the clearly distraught woman. 'Hey it's okay, it's not your fault.'

'But it is' Regina whispered. 'I'm supposed to love him. Why can't I love him?'

'Regina you can't force feelings that aren't there. And I mean you barley know the guy. Fate or magic or whatever this true love bullshit is shouldn't decide who we love or what we do with our lives. The only people who have the right to that decision is ourselves.'

'You really think so? Regina raised her head meeting Emma's eyes.

'Yes I really think so.' Emma replied. They were so close now that Emma could see every detail of Regina's beautiful face and almost unconsciously she leaned in and placed a kiss on her forehead. Regina's breath hitched as she gazed up her. 'Emma what are you doing?'

'I'm following my heart' Emma murmured back. She felt a thrill of fear and anticipation course through her as she leaned in slowly, giving Regina plenty of time to back away. But she needn't have worried for it was Regina who closed the gap between them, surging up to capture her lips in hers.

The kiss was like nothing Emma had ever felt before with anyone except for Henry. It felt like coming home.


End file.
